By Terri Griffith, LPC, Behavioral Health Consultant at Fordland Clinic
Whether we realize it or not we are constantly talking to ourselves, telling ourselves we have done good or bad throughout our day. One of the most important things you can do is to begin to identify your self-talk, what is your inner voice saying to you? If you are struggling with the feeling of not being enough, try to begin identifying and working on your self-talk.
Tip 1: Begin by being kind to yourself, do not judge yourself for negative self-talk, just notice it and reassure yourself that you are going to begin working on it. Self-talk is something that can be changed with a little practice and the more you do it the better you get at it.
Tip 2: Give yourself a little grace! Research shows that using compassion, support, forgiveness, and positive self-talk helps us perform better and bounce back more quickly from defeat or setbacks, positive self-talk can be calming and bolster our confidence. Negative self-talk has the opposite effect, it can lower our confidence, lead to anxiety and depression, foster shame and limit our personal growth.
Tip 3: Something else found to help is lifting other people up. If this is something you are already doing, maybe take the time to give a compliment, let someone know that they are better than okay; you know they are there; and that what they say and do does mean something to you. Focusing on others can be helpful and rewarding.
Tip 4: Try to stop comparing yourself to other people. Each of us has special gifts, things that are unique to each of us. If you begin to feel that you are not enough or catch yourself saying or thinking “so and so is much better at this than I am”, just try to think about your own gift and value that you bring. There will always be someone who is better at some things than you are, but that same person will not be better at everything! Recognize in yourself what special gift you bring to yourself and to others as well.
Tip 5: What we can do is to live by our values. Stay true to yourself! Think about what is important to you. When we worry about what others think, we are judging ourselves against their values. You are special! When you are doing your best and doing what makes you feel fulfilled you will begin to know it. You are enough!